Princesses don't give blow jobs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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