You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
