Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
