omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
