Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
