you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
nutella sex= disaster
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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