I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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