I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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