Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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