You really coming over, don't trick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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