So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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