please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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