I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
