Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
