I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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