I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
