Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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