make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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