genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
