There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
