I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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