I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
