You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
