why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
did i just pee glitter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
