so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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