how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
