That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
