We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
