found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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