She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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