dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
