Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
