Sponge bath it is.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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