This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
