Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
