It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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