I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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