I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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