This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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