where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
