sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
