Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
