Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
