apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
