did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
