u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
