Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
