There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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