i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
