Everything about him screamed your future.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
