Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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