The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
