My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
