is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
