Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
