I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
