I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
