My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
