Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
