the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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