Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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