I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
50% drunk capacity currently
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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