I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
