dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
