I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
