I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
