You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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