My nipple is on Facebook.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
