you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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