I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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