I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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